Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
