At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
