Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
