I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
