so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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