We won't sleep together?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
