doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
