I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
