thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
