I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
