AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
