Just cropdusted the office
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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