dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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