I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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