apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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