call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
