The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
