Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
