i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize