whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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