puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
