I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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