kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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