can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
