I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
