That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
