Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she smelled like a LAN party
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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