I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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