Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
