haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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