Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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