the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize