Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
