My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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