i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize