Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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