I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
