After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
