Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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