Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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