just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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