I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
