I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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