My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
