I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
