There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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