I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
