; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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