Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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