the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
