Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
