An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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