yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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