the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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