I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
