You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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