Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
