We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize