why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
