capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
