I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
