stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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