I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
