Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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