Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
