So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
