captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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