Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
