You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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