Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
