I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
