And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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