uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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