Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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