I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
