i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
