I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
