I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
