she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
