Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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