wanna go halves on a baby?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
