This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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