i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
