I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
