If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
