Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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