You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
pop tarts are not kleenex
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
