Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I heard we made out
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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