I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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