YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
