ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
