i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
