Too much gin, very little bucket
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
