Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
