Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
