Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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