I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
